Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize