She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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