I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
