you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
