You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
In America we eat man semen.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize