My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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