He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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