Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
