I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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