Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
