So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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