an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
