Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
