Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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