Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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