Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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