oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
