STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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