I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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