i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
