We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
