she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
