I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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