ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
