Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
