dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
