she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
