last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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