I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
