i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
