look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
