I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
