If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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