Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize