why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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