Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
