Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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