It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You've changed since you got that strap on
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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