We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
