Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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