Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize