This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
