youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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