I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
