I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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