i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
