Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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