is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
