Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
