put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize