dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
