y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
