But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
