i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize