How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
