dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
