my phone needs a breathalizer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
