just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
