I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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