if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
