Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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