My brain says no but my pants say off.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
