idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
