whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Couch. On fire.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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