I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
