Swine flu. Run for my life!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
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