so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
