make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
