the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
